I was on the road going home. The weather was calm and cold, and I liked it. The sounds of machines and the pouisiere made me feel uncomfortable. They just made me worse, after all that I've got in school. All things were sooo confusing, complicating, felt like I want someone to make me disappear from this kind of world. Well,my mind was occupied by thousands of things. Then I saw some little girls and boys playing on the street. They were around 5-8 years old. They looked messy, dirty, but they were free. I heard their laughing so full of peace. My eyes, my ears were hypnotized by those children. A little voice in my mind spoke to me, "Would I ever live like them? Would I ever feel the joy they feel, despite their poor life? Would I??!". I remember when I was walking on a street with a friend. We met three little boys with dirty face and clothes. My friend asked me to stop and then she acquaintaned with them. Those boys looked so happy. I felt something different, deep here in my heart. I do not know what was it. Suddenly, the sounds of machine starting woke me up from dream. I realize that it was all a dream. It was all a memory. And when small raindrops started to hurt my skin slightly, I realize that I had to continue walking, to continue living..

Dear Miroslava,
I dont feel good today. I feel like Im living just like a c***o. Can u see me livin miserably for all these years? I've never been good at one thing. All things I've done are just like dreams.. all gone.. my school sucks, I dont feel good in my family, I am just an alien in my town.. Im a Javanese but my non-javanese-cultural is killing me slowly.. and my talents stink.. they're just no use at all, I found it in the end.. I have nice friends, really nice, but the true friends I found are just no one.. only God can help me.. But I feel myself not near by Him.. I've ever tried to kill myself but I knew it wasn't such a good choice... I ever thought to follow Paolo to Italy to live with him but hell it was very WRONG..!! Miroslava I suck at everything. Yesterday I saw a little girl on the road and she was smiling.. well she pleased me.. I could feel her hapiness too.. but then suddenly I feel so sad.. why can't I smile like her..? You know.. all this time I hide my face behind my smile and my laugh.. I hide all my tears and wounds behinds those kisses and hugs.. Yea, just like other, sometimes I lock myself in my room and cry.. Miro I couldnt stand this all.. I know I shouldve not written these but I dont know what to do again... Sciupata's fine but she's so little.. And Sveta's already fulled of all those dirties.. Im so sorry, Miro... And Im a lil bit happy u're so qiuet lately... not much ppl come.. Well I care and I dont care... Miro you are my blog and I can write everything to you..

This is maybe a lil bit late, but it's just FYI.. I've created a new blog (the 9th.. or the 10th, maybe) on http://amrta.splinder.com >> my thoughts, poems, inspired by my friends' lives (sometimes mine) and images from http://sxc.hu... Uhm recently there is one entry for starter... and right now I'm writing a new one ;-) but it's a bit sad.. T_T

PS: I think this blog's gognna be *very* quiet.. My friends are all moved to my blog on splinder..!! But I'll keep writing.. for my soul's health LOLLL..!!!

School starts again..!!!
Aww I have to prepare for my new day..! Ciao all..! Kisses :****

IL MIO BLOG SU SPLINDER È CAMBIATO

vada.splinder.com non c'è piu'

ora >> http://vadasectia.splinder.com

ma è ancora un pupo.. :p

PS: Spiacente ma sarei molto impegnata questa settimana. Ritornarò a trovarvi in presto.

English
Spent this week in grandma's house. She's not very well after the surgery. It was a frightening journey. We'd travelled for 8 hours.. also at night *__*
Because it's Eid al Fitri (when every moslem come back home to their family), there were LOTS of travellers.. by plane, train, ship, car, bus, even motoribke! Moreover.. it is rainy season in Indonesia . We'd heard lots of news about landslides, floods, accidents.. So we travelled in fear.. I was so afraid if we got an accident, we could die in an accident.. But finally we succeeded to reach our home..  Thank God for saving us.. V__V

Indonesian
Minggu ini Vada pergi ke rumah nenek. Mudik, sekalian menjenguk, beliau sakit sejak operasi. Perjalanannya menyeramkan sekali. perjalanan selama 8 jam, juga malam hari *__*
Karena Idul Fitri, banyak sekali orang berpergian (Hey Indonesians.. Anda pasti tahu sekali). Banyak sekali berita tentang longsor (kasihan tante Vada), banjir, kecelakaan lalu lintas.. Vada takut sekali.. kalau2 kita dapat kecelakaan dan kita bisa mati dalam kecelakaan itu.. Tapi akhirnya kita berhasil sampai rumah dengan selamat.. Alhamdulillah, terimakasih Tuhan telah menyelamatkan kita V__V

Italian
La settimana passata nel vilaggio della mia cara nonna. Non sta molto bene dopo l'operazione. Era un spaventoso viaggio.. Abbiamo viaggiato per 8 ore per lei.. nella notte.. *__*
Perchè è Idul Fitri (quando tutte le musulmane viaggiano per le sue familie), ci sono troopppoo viaggiatori, in aero, treno, nave, macchina, o motorcicletta..!! Nonchè in Indonesia è "la stagione di pioggia". Abbiamo ascoltata molte notizie delle frane (anche a mia cara zia.. povera lei V__V), dei diluvi, delle sciagure (in viaggio).. Viaggiamo in paura.. Ho paura che sia una sciagura a noi, possiamo morire in una sciagura.. Ma alla fine riusciamo a giungere la nostra casa.. Grazie Dio a salvarci.. V__V

English
Today I want to walk on a new life. I want to find peace. Too long I've been living with pain and suffering and wound and tears. Now I want you to find a smile full of happiness on my face. I apologize for all my mistakes I've done to you. I've been hurting you so bad all this time. I am really sorry for it. I hope you would forgive me.. and happy Eid Al-Fitri for all who celebrate it.

Indonesian
Hari ini Vada ingin menjalani hidup dengan bahagia.. Vada ingin menemukan rasa damai dalam hidup Vada. Sudah terlalu lama Vada hidup dalam kesedihan, keperihan, dan airmata. Sekarang Vada ingin semua melihat Vada tersenyum dengan penuh bahagia.. Vada minta maaf atas semua kesalahan Vada selama ini. Vada terlalu sering menyakiti orang-orang di sekitar Vada. Vada sangat menyesal. Vada minta maaf sedalam-dalamnya. Maafkan Vada.. Mari kembali kepada Fitrah. Selamat Idul Fitri. Semoga kita mendapat Rahmat-Nya di hari yang suci ini.

Italian
Oggi voglio trovare un nuovo senso della vita mia. Voglio trovare la pace. Ho vissuto troppo con il dolore, con la ferita, con la tristezza, con le lacrime.. Adesso vi voglio trovare un sorriso piena d'allegria nella mia faccia. Scusatemi se vi avessi offeso spesso.. Vi ferisco troppo.. Mi dispiacciono tutti i miei sbagli.. E alla fine spero bene che perdoniatemi.. e fatemi sorridere..

Russian
Sevodnya ya khacu zit u rada. Ya dolzna izvinitsya pered vami.. Eta pravda, vinovata sama (i ya govoriyu po-russki ploho). Mne ocen zal.. I spasiba za vsyo, nekagda ne zabudu vasu dobratu. Ulibesh, i ulibu. Pazdravlyayu vas s-praznikom idl fitri..